So I'm changing lanes a little bit. I'm not sure why exactly I started this blog but as is apparent from my lack of entries, it wasn't doing what I needed it to do. I need a place to vent and a place to track my progress, and I wasn't making it work for me. Therefore, I'm going to pick one thing and focus on it. Something that is constantly on my mind, that constantly worry about and that affects my everyday life is my weight loss journey. In a way it fits perfectly into the title and assumed theme of this blog. It was a long forward journey for me and I still have a ways to go. I don't know that anyone would read this or that it would help anyone but even if it's just for me, that's enough.
Let's start from the beginning. The beginning weighed 240 lbs and was a single girl who lived off patty melts and french fries dipped in ranch from the chow hall in college. See below:
You have no idea how hard it is for me to look at that picture, let alone post it on the internet?!?! The funny thing is, when I was that big I didn't feel fat. I felt like me. I had/have big boobs which always got me attention regardless of how fat the rest of me was so I never felt ugly. It wasn't until I started losing weight (after college and I got away from Patty Melts) that I started developing what I truly believe is a mild case of body dysmorphic disorder. But I digress. Going back to 240 lb me. I had tried everything to lose weight. I'd tried the cabbage soup diet, Atkins, the color wheel thingy, everything. The only thing I hadn't tried was eating right and exercising! One day in 2006 my mom told me about an OTC pill that was FDA approved and was supposed to help you lose weight: Alli. I thought it was worth a try and bought some. The catch was you had to actually eat properly or you might experience "leakage". So I ate 1600 calories or less every day, kept track, and discovered I loved the classes at my local gym. I spent at least 2 hours a night 6 days a week taking classes and working out. The pounds started to fall off, 3 lbs a week. I was proud of myself but I noticed that I became more obsessed with it and when I looked in the mirror I still saw the "before" picture. I will admit that Alli stopped working at about 170 lbs and I got stuck. In order to kick start myself I replaced lunch with a Herbal Life Shake with a banana in it. Suddenly I was in the 160s and there I stayed, somewhat content for a while. My ex boyfriend and I did Couch to 5K and I ran in my first 5K which I was immensely proud of. Even running at least 3 days a week I couldn't get into the 150s.
Then the best diet tool of all fell into my lap: a broken heart. My ex broke my heart and I didn't eat for days. All of a sudden I was down to 153, not healthy but totally worth it!
And there I stayed, even meeting the love of my life who is the world's most proficient crash dieter, and 'forgetting' to count calories.
I still wanted to get to my ultimate goal of 140 where I would have lost 100 lbs but I haven't yet. I fell victim to "love chub". Up until this past Thanksgiving I stayed around 155 then I went to visit family in Atlanta and got my favorite:
KRYSTALS!!!
So here I find myself back on the weight loss wagon with a new FitBit to keep me company. I have absolutely no willpower at all when my boyfriend wants pizza and I need to be eating salad but I keep looking at how far I've come and where I want to be: BIKINI! Along with the sign on my fridge that says:
NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS
I try to remind myself that I'm doing it not just to look better but to feel better too.
