I’ll bet you didn’t know that there were emotional and behavioral stages that correspond with being unemployed. Well, I can tell you from firsthand experience that there are indeed. I was fired in December, the story isn’t important, the only thing that is important is that the company was associated with Satan and due to personality conflicts and that I wouldn’t let myself be bullied they fired me. I fought it and got my rightful unemployment. And what follows are the stages that I’ve been through so far:
“Unemployment Happy”: When I first “won” my unemployment battle, I was psyched! I was going to get paid for doing nothing!! I could sleep in, and catch up on reading, have lunch with Brandon every day, could it get any better?! I desperately needed a break and I was finally getting a much deserved one. I caught up on laundry, I did all the dishes, I cleaned and napped and drank hot tea and got up at 10. I had plenty of time to go to the gym. Hell! I had all day! I was in heaven; I was riding this gravy train all the way to the station. Or so I thought…
“Unemployment Lazy”: At first I was desperately searching for a new job, I knew that while the unemployment money would get me through it wouldn’t be enough to live on forever, and the gravy train does arrive at the station eventually. I searched and applied for anything and everything that would get my bills paid. I worked my butt off for a degree for four years and now I’m practically begging for a secretary job that pays $14.00. Eventually when all I was hearing was “no” I essentially gave up on finding anything. I quit applying to any and every job, I quit doing all the dishes and laundry, I slept until 11 instead of 10. I wasn’t going to the gym during the day, I wasn’t going to the gym at all. I didn’t leave the house, because I didn’t have the money to do anything. I became a recluse for the hours of 9-5, and it lead to:
“Unemployment Angry”: I realized that I was becoming a permanent Debbie Downer, everything Brandon said annoyed me, even Molly (his 3 year old) being around annoyed me. I’m frustrated about money, I’m frustrated that I can’t get a job, I’m frustrated that I had to give up my OT dream, I’m frustrated that it always has to be so hard. I started to feel like a maid and taxi and I hated it. I just want to get out of the house. I want a job to go to, one I actually like of course. I want to feel productive. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my afternoon naps, but when I can’t sleep at night because of money and stress, I’m ready to be a little sleep deprived to have that constant weight and tension go away. I’m tired of being irritated all the time because I’m stuck in the house with my stress and my laziness. I’m ready to be involved, I’m ready to work out every day, I’m ready to wear business clothes again…I never thought I’d say that!
I don’t know what the next step is, I kind of hope there isn’t one. I hope I can find a job, even though that’s exactly what it’ll be, a job, but it’s better than sabotaging relationships and health just because there isn’t anything else to do but allow my mind to spin and spin. We’re trying to move and that’s another stressor, and I feel like everything is coming down at once, but I also hope that means that eventually when it has all come down on top of us we can start digging ourselves out and start rebuilding. Is it where I thought I’d be at 28? Well, I have the love of my life with me so I know that whatever I choose and wherever I go at least I won’t be alone.
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