Searching for Purpose

I've been away, mostly because I felt silly for writing to myself essentially.  It's doubtful anyone reads this, but is that really the reason that someone should write?  I don't think so, I should write to help direct myself, to help center my energies to get it all out. 

I just finished watching Julie & Julia, not a new release I know.  But I actually really enjoyed it.  I can relate to the main character(s).  While I absolutely love my new job and the way my life is going, I do feel marooned.  Like I'm settling for a job/career that's easy.  That I live day in and day out one day at a time with no real purpose. 

I went to college because I was supposed to, because it was going to make my life so much better.  I couldn't decide on a major so I mostly picked one at random that I thought I might be good at: psychology.  Trouble is, you can't really do anything with a Bachelors in Psychology.  I entered the working world one mediocre job after another.  I settled.  I moved to Missouri and I settled.  I settled for a boyfriend, I settled for a job, I settled for just getting by.  When it all fell apart and I found Brandon, who is most definitely the love of my life, he showed me what it meant to hope for more.  When I discovered Occupational Therapy, it showed me how
I could do something I would love and make a difference in people's lives.  Then I lost my job, I had to turn down my acceptance from one of the country's best OT programs and I wasn't settling, I was barely making it.

I know I have a job I love and a man I adore and things are coming together, and maybe I won't ever get a chance to become an OT, a personal disaster I think, but I don't want to just get by.  I don't want my free time filled with TV and Facebook.  I need something...something to pull it all together.  I feel like that's what cooking was for Julie Powell when she wrote the book about her following Julia Child's recipes.  It gave her a purpose.  Short term goals.  Something you have to do once a day, that's what I need.  But I don't even know where to start.  How do you find a hobby when you don't even know what you're good at.

Perhaps it will take some thinking and reflection but I have faith it will come to me, or maybe I'll go to it.  It's all the same to me as long as I get there in the end.

I do vow to write more, even if it's just my ramblings and it's for just myself.